TWIGI: The World Is Going Insane

The Law of TWIGI part 2: Homer...I mean Frank vs. Netflix

2008-08-10T07:50:00.000-07:00

Then there's Frank. In a similar situation, Frank was bothered the find out that you can't rent unlimited DVDs from Netflix...Which...you can...but I guess the problem was with how quickly he was getting them...or how much they were charging...Basically, Frank is claiming false advertising. He also had a problem with the shipping. He wasn't getting his movies in one day. I can't find Frank's specific claims, but I don't need them...I mean, what do you expect?

Early Netflix ads stated "unlimited DVD rentals"...Can you rent from Netflix? Yes. Can you rent DVDs from Netflix? Yes. Unlimited? Naturally that's a bit of an exaggeration, depending on how you take it. Unlimited DVDs? That's obviously not what it means. The laws of science say there's a limit to how many DVDs I rent because there's a limit to the number of DVDs that exist. Unlimited rental? To a degree, but again, laws of science and nature impede the true meaning of "unlimited". Limited by time to watch the movies.

In June I rented 14 movies from Netflix and July I rented 18. Both months I was on the 4 movie plan, so I payed $24.00. That's about a movie every other day. That's $1.50 per movie. That's a hell of a deal compared to when I would rent movies from a rental store for twice that much at least. Plus not having to pay for the gas to go there? Finding out what I wanted to rent was already rented or they just don't carry it? I've got 61 discs in my rental queue. 61 titles I don't have to try and remember. I don't see a problem.

Then Netflix claimed "one day shipping"...Again, let's be logical. Of course, some locations it will take longer. I put a movie in the mail box Monday. They get it Tuesday and tell me they're shipping my next movie. I get it Wednesday...consistently, with the occasional extra day because the movie I want isn't in the nearest distribution center.

And all of this is explained in the Terms of Service. But TOS's aren't read anymore. And logic? Fugitaboutit! I can't believe someone, Frank in this case, is willing to say, "Uh, I din't unnerstand..." But the frivolous lawsuit wins again. I can't help but think of Homer simpson when he sued the Frying Dutchman seafood restaurant over its "All You Can Eat Buffet"...

Homer Simpson: All you can eat. Ha!
Lionel Hutz: Mr. Simpson, this is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film, ``The Never-Ending Story''.

That's comedy. That was satire. The real thing is so much twigier!

The Law of TWIGI part 1: Subway vs. Reginald vs. Police

2008-08-09T06:18:00.000-07:00

Let's face it...there's always going to be someone trying to abuse the legal system. Crazy law suits abound, and crazy calls to the police are even more frequent.

Take Reginald of Florida. He went to a Subway sandwich shop and ordered a sub. But apparently, the workers weren't making it correctly. Now, the normal way of dealing with this situation is to say politely, "Excuse me, I think you left off the sauce." I've been there myself...in a Subway..."Excuse me, could I get that warmed?" But not Reginald. According to Subway employees, he started yelling and decided to call police. I can hear the call now...

911 Operator: "911. What's your emergency?"

Reginald: "They're not making my sandwich correctly."

911: "Sir?"

Reginald: "They left the sauce off. I need the sauce for the sandwich to be right. I'm hungry. I need to eat. They're starving me because they won't give me the sauce. Make it right."

911: "Ummm..."

Reginald: "You're with them aren't you. You're a part of this conspiracy, aren't you!"

911: "Is this Crankyankers?"

Reggie: "Are you coming on to me? What are you wearing."

911: "Police will be there soon. Believe you me!"

Or, you know, something like that...So while that 911 call is being placed, the shop workers lock the door. I suppose they felt he might do something...crazy!

But the story doesn't end there. The police didn't arrive and cart Reginald off to a padded cell. The police didn't arrive. So Reginald called 911 again...

911: "911. What's your emergency?"

Reggie: "Where are they?"

911: "Where are who, sir?"

Reggie: "The police! Where are they?"

911: "What's the emergency, sir?"

Reg: "I need the police!"

911: "You need to tell me what the problem is, sir, so that I can tell the police."

Reg: "The problem is that the police aren't here!"

911: "Who's on first?"

Reg: "What?"

911: "He's on second..."

Or...something like that...

Now that's twigi...

911 Subway story

Then there's Frank. In a similar situation, Frank was bothered the find out that you can't rent unlimited DVDs from Netflix...Which...you can...but I guess the problem was with how quickly he was getting them...or how much they were charging...Basically, Frank is claiming false advertising. He also had a problem with the shipping. He wasn't getting his movies in one day. I can't find Frank's specific claims, but I don't need them...I mean, what do you expect?

Early Netflix ads stated "unlimited DVD rentals"...Can you rent from Netflix? Yes. Can you rent DVDs from Netflix? Yes. Unlimited? Naturally that's a bit of an exaggeration, depending on how you take it. Unlimited DVDs? That's obviously not what it means. The laws of science say there's a limit to how many DVDs I rent because there's a limit to the number of DVDs that exist. Unlimited rental? To a degree, but again, laws of science and nature impede the true meaning of "unlimited". Limited by time to watch the movies.

In June I rented 14 movies from Netflix and July I rented 18. Both months I was on the 4 movie plan, so I payed $24.00. That's about a movie every other day. That's $1.50 per movie. That's a hell of a deal compared to when I would rent movies from a rental store for twice that much at least. Plus not having to pay for the gas to go there? Finding out what I wanted to rent was already rented or they just don't carry it? I've got 61 discs in my rental queue. 61 titles I don't have to try and remember. I don't see a problem.

Then Netflix claimed "one day shipping"...Again, let's be logical. Of course, some locations it will take longer. I put a movie in the mail box Monday. They get it Tuesday and tell me they're shipping my next movie. I get it Wednesday...consistently, with the occasional extra day because the movie I want isn't in the nearest distribution center.

And all of this is explained in the Terms of Service. But TOS's aren't read anymore. And logic? Fugitaboutit! I can't believe someone, Frank in this case, is willing to say, "Uh, I din't unnerstand..." But the frivolous lawsuit wins again. I can't help but think of Homer simpson when he sued the Frying Dutchman seafood restaurant over its "All You Can Eat Buffet"...

Homer Simpson: All you can eat. Ha!

Lionel Hutz: Mr. Simpson, this is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film, ``The Never-Ending Story''.

That's comedy. That was satire. The real thing is so much twigier!

Honorary Twiginator: Leonard Pitts, Jr.

2008-08-08T13:11:00.000-07:00

We here at TWIGI would like to name editorialist Leonard Pitts, Jr. an honorary Twiginator. Mr. Pitts called out Oklahoma County commissioner Brent Rinehart as an example of the stupidification of America. Of course, I can't explain it better than Leonard Pitts, Jr., so I'll just link to his article. Oh, and bravo for mentioning the movie Idiocracy. Everyone should watch that movie and figure out of he or she is contributing to the stupidification, or fighting against it.

Leonard Pitts, Jr. article: The Ongoing Stupidification of America

The CNN Interview

The McCain-Obama Ouroborous

2008-07-27T11:58:00.000-07:00

Nothing is more twigi than politics. Political gesturing trying to win the Homecoming Queen crown of Presidential office brings out some of the most ridiculous of maneuvers.

Obama's been travelling around the world generating a bunch of press and one of his stops was Germany. While in Germany, Obama was planning on visiting wounded American soldiers at the Ramstein Air Force base but he cancelled the visit.

McCain's campaign swooped down like a turkey buzzard criticizing Obama for choosing political leaders and cheering crowds over wounded American soldiers.

Obama's campaign, like a gunslinger, shot back that the visit was cancelled after the Pentagon was concerned about political activity at a military base.

Hold the press...Ok, well, let's face it...Politicians have been visiting wounded soldiers for a long time. I don't know the Pentagon's exact policy about political visits to wounded soldiers, but I know it's not forbidden. Which makes it easy to believe the McCain's campaign add running in Colorado, Pennsylvania, and Washington D.C. saying that it "Seems the Pentagon wouldn't allow him to bring cameras."

Obama's people say Obama didn't want injured soldiers "pulled into the back-and-forth of a political campaign." Fair enough, in theory, but why was the visit sceduled at all if that was a concern?

And the Pentagon says, "Obama would have been required to conform to the Defense Department prohibition of political activity, but that the senator was never told he couldn't visit the hospital." So tell your press people and staff, tell the press in general to back off, and visit. That was the original plan anyway.

I know...so far it seems only Obama is twigi so where does the self-eating ouroborous come in?

McCain's criticism...McCain is criticizing Obama for what may be a sincere concern, though late coming, that the trip would be seen as a cheap political photo-op, though without the press, but word of mouth is still powerful. Meanwhile, where are McCain's trips to American soldiers wounded or not in foreign lands? He visited Iraq, Paris, London, and Israel but I don't see anything about visiting wounded soldiers. McCain said, "if I had been told by the Pentagon that I couldn't visit those troops, and I was there and wanted to be there, I guarantee you, there would have been a seismic event." Which means your criticizing a man who second-guessed doing something you haven't done.

If you can confirm that McCain visited wounded soldiers under the Pentagon's restrictions, please let me know, because right now, their political bickering is making them look both like schmucks. They both look...twigi.

My source: MSNBC

Hollywood Fashion Prejudice

2008-07-11T07:22:00.000-07:00

Don't ask me why, but I was browsing the Yahoo News Fashion faux pas thing. Usually these pictures show famous people wearing garish ensembles and you're like, "Ouch, that outfit looks painful." Every so often you see one that doesn't look THAT bad, and seriously, fashion is in the eye of the beholder. I wouldn't want someone judging my clothes every time I walked out of the house, but then I'm a teacher, so I get a break from the fashion critique over the summer.

But then there's this one...

And the fashion faux pas is...?

According to the guy commenting on the fashions, "Did Audrina lose her AmEx? It looks like the reality TV "star" and her bearded boy toy Justin Bobby went clothes shopping at the Salvation Army ... not Saks Fifth Avenue."

Oh, ho, ho...so it's a fashion mistake to dress...normal? That's twigi...

Frozen Food

2008-07-11T06:51:00.000-07:00

Have you ever paid close attention to the information you can find on frozen food packages? Have you thought about this information? It can be very peculiar. Take, for instance, Bundinos, possiblt the most bizarre I've found. It's nothing particularly strange, I suppose. There's nothing especially odd about the ingredients. But the package comes with nine little Bundinos. What makes it odd is that they tell us 4 Bundinos make a serving. Do that math. The only way to eat that equitably in more than one sitting is eating 3 Bundinos...or what they are probably hoping for...buying more boxes so that you don't have loose, random Bundinos. 12 would be the perfect number. Then people who wanted to eat less would have equal portions. If you wanted more than a serving, as I admittedly tend to desire (serving sizes don't make any sense to me), then you could eat 6.

But that's not, really, the twigiest thing about the Bundinos. I looked on all 6 surfaces of the box and the Bundinos come with no oven instructions. None. They only tell you how to cook in the microwave. What in the world? I prefer cooking frozen food in the over, and they don't even give me that option! I appreciate how quick and easy the microwave is, but come on, some of us are willing to wait.

But then frozen food preparation instructions are generally pretty twigi. They all warn you that "cooking times may vary" depending upon your individual microwave. But my experience is that they always vary. The instructed microwave times are, the majority of the time for me, too short. I don't ever have to put food back in the oven after the allotted time.

I did cook the Bundinos in the oven I think about 20 minutes and they were great.

6,000 Signs in Georgia...Won't Make a Difference

2008-07-04T10:05:00.000-07:00

A 17-Year-Old got decapitated at Six Flags Over Georgia amusement park.

That's a news story no one wants to read. Tragic.

"Six Flags officials are uncertain why the unidentified 17-year-old from Columbia, S.C. scaled two six-foot fences and passed signs that said the restricted area was both off-limits and dangerous to visitors..." - SC Teen struck, killed by Six Flags coaster in Ga., by Mike Strobbe, The State.

Now it's still tragic, but also stupid. What was that kid thinking?

Early reports said that he was going to retrieve a hat. Later "authorities said the rising senior at Columbia’s Keenan High School was taking a shortcut back into Six Flags Over Georgia after leaving for lunch with other children during a church outing." - Teen was taking shortcut back to park, by Clif LeBlanc, The State

LeBlanc's article again mentions the warning signs. I am very sorry for this child's death and I feel for his family's loss. Here's where the twiginess comes in...

"State Labor Commissioner Michael Thurmond said the park must make signs bigger, post more of them and add the words 'extreme danger' within 10 days. " - Six Flags ordered to increase safety signs, The State

Why is that twigi? Well, we know the boy scaled two fences...having to get somewhere by scaling fences is usually a sign in and of itself that you are going somewhere you shouldn't be going. It's been repeated over and over that he scaled fences that had signs on them. I'm not so sure more, larger signs that quantify how much danger is beyond them would have prevented anything. And it sounds like Six Flags did something wrong. In the same article, it says "Thurmond says the park met all other safety standards." Thurmond is the State Labor Commissioner. "All other" makes it seem like Six Flags did not meet the safety standard of warning signs. But in the FoxNews article Georgia Six Flags Batman Ride That Decapitated Teen Reopens, With Changes states, "State Labor Commissioner Michael Thurmond says the park met all safety standards but the state has issued new requirements."

So, it's not the park, it's the state. The state of Georgia's safety requirements weren't adequate. But weren't they? Again, I posit that 6,000 bigger signs saying "Certain Death Awaits You" would not have prevented this. The only thing to prevent this sort of thing is common sense, because common sense tells you that scaling two fences to an area underneath a rollercoaster is a bad idea.

The twigiest part of this is the line in both The State's and FoxNews's articles, "scaled two fences and wandered into a restricted area, where he was struck by the roller coaster in Austell" and "scaled two fences and wandered into a restricted area where he was decapitated by the roller coaster." Nearly identical sentences with the same oxymoron. How do you "scale two fences" and "wander" at the same time? Wandering means "to move about without a fixed course, aim, or goal" according to Merriam-Webster's online dictionary. He had a course, an aim, and a goal...Without those, the fences would have been deterrant enough. His goal was to scale the fences and get to the other side. "Wander" makes it sound like he really didn't know where he was. He did. Two fences and some signs told him.

This reminds me of Denis Leary's bit about the guy who wanted to make the warning on cigarette packs bigger. I couldn't find a vid of Leary doing the routine, but someone did an animation to Leary's words. Not very good, to be honest, but it allows me to play it for you. It goes into "I'm an Asshole" afterwards, so it's up to you if you keep watching.

A Hit from the Thong

2008-06-28T06:27:00.000-07:00

If you want to know how insane things are becoming, all you have to do is see what people take to court. Like Richard Overton in 1991 who attempted to sue Anheuser-Busch for false advertising since, when he drank a Bud, he didn't lind himself surrounded by sexy women. And Cleanthi Peters who sued Universal Studios because thair Halloween Horror Nights haunted house was too scary and caused emotional distress. Of course, there are all the lawsuits surrounding music, movies, and video games causing people to do violent things, but even stranger was Edward Brewer who sued Providence Hospital because its security failed to prevent him from raping a patient and it caused him mental anguish.

I'll admit the new member of that illustrious group of plaintiffs isn't as obviously wrong, but Macrida Patterson does fit into that group. Macrida was putting on a Victoria's Secret thong when a staple holding a heart on the side popped and the staple ricocheted and hit her eye. It actually doesn't sound unreasonable until you find out she's worn the thong a few times before, so it's also (hopefully) been washed.

Let's see what Macrida has to say from the Today Show...

I also have to wonder in this lawsuit whether or not the thong was the appropriate size for Macrida. If she bought a thong too small, or it was the correct size, but he had gained weight since its purchase, and it's been worn twice before at least and washed, then I'm thinking this is operator responsibility. I mean, I don't think that staple is going to shoot off with enough force to do any harm unless it was put under more pressure than its recommended operating pressure.

Also, I tend to follow the "Shit-Happens" theory to life. Sometimes shit happens...that doesn't mean, in this case, the product is defective. Sometimes random stuff just happens and it's nobody's fault.

For more ridiculous lawsuits, check out...

The 10 Most Ridiculous Lawsuits of All Time

Strange Lawsuits

Remember to look out for the Twigi, because the Twigi is looking out for you...

A Crazy Canadian Kid's Coup

2008-06-21T12:45:00.000-07:00

Let's say you have a daughter. Your daughter, or son, has been continuously breaking home rules. Her latest infraction has been getting on the computer without permission, going to websites that you blocked, and posting inappropriate pictures of herself on the webs. Then a school trip gets mentioned...one where you need to sign your permission for her to go. So, as punishment for her intentional breach of house rules, you refuse to let her go on the trip.

BUT...

Darling daughter will not fade quietly into grounding. She actually gets a lawyer to sue her father for the right to go on thie field trip. Ok, at this point I'm wondering why any lawyer would even mess with this. I mean, surely wouldn't even be allowed to take up court time. But alas, it gets taken to court. But surely no judge would see it as the court's place to determine the appropriateness of parental discipline short of actual abuse. But alas, a judge overturns a father's punishment.

WHAT!?!

Check it out...

http://news.yahoo.com:80/s/afp/20080618/wl_canada_afp/canadachildcourtoffbeat

That judge has taken every bit of parental power away from this father. This 12-year-old who already has trouble following the rules now can do ANYTHING! A 12-year-old Canadian girl is now in control of her raising. I wouldn't be surprised if the father just wiped his hands and let her go down the path to ruin. Not necessarily out of anger, but because of a feeling of futility. What's the point of trying to stop her from doing anything.

That's twigi, folks...Plain twigi

Democrats, Republicans, and...Libertarians! Oh, my!

2008-05-25T17:30:00.000-07:00

Ok, I'll be honest...I'm tempted to talk about the Going-Down-Hill-ary Clinton camp blaming Obama about Hillary's comment about Robert Kennedy's assassination, blah, blah, blah...But I'm trying to leave her alone, so let's talk Libertarians...

The Libertarians have a candidate now...Bob Barr...Looks pretty respectable and decent. When was the last time we had a president with facial hair though? As a bearer of facial hair, I think it'd be cool, but don't worry, I won't vote for facial hair alone.

So, why, you ask, is Bob and the Libertarians being featured on TWIGI? It doesn't have anything to do with them...it has to do with us, the American people. Bob, and possibly Wayne Allan Root as VP, should have a reasonable shot at the White House. He's a former Republican who criticized Bill Clinton and was one of the prosecutors in Clinton's impeachment. All of that should appeal to fence sitting Republicans who are unhappy with the party.

He's also for getting out of Iraq. He's against same sex marriages, but opposes the Federal Marriage Amendment, so at least he's willing to keep the federal government out of it. He voted for the Patriot Act only AFTER a sunset clause was added making it terminate without a Legislative vote AND regrets voting for the thing at all, and he added pro-civil liberty amendments to Clinton's 1995 Anti-Terrorism Act. He supports repealing the 16th Amendment which gives Congress the power to levy income tax. So he should have some appeal with liberals.

But as the CNN article states, Libertarians haven't been able to pull 400,000 votes. The Libertarians, and possibly some other third parties, should really have a shot...but people seem more inclined to not vote at all than to vote for someone other than a Democrat or Republican. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is twigi.

Happy Mother's Day...It's twigi too!

2008-05-11T09:13:00.000-07:00

It turns out that Mother's Day started 100 years ago. Anna Jarvis, who started Mother's Day in 1908, apparently would be appalled by what Mother's Day has become. Actually, she wished she hadn't started it after it had been going for 40 years. But then that's the way, isn't it? Any good idea quickly becomes commercialized. That's why Arbor Day is almost unheard of, while the more recent creation, Earth Day, gets a nice amount of attention. If you can sell a card for it, you have a winner. Anyway, here's an article on the 100th anniversary from the local publication. Mother's Day Celebration Reaches 100th Anniversary.

And, of course, we all know mother's deserve to earn money for their hard work. According to a recent survey, it was determined that mother's should earn $138,000. So, I propose legislation for motherhood to become a goverment paid job with pay being greater or less than the $138,000 figure based on individual mother efforts and success rates.

A bit of trivial irony before signing off...Anna Jarvis never married and never had children.

Keep the twigi on low today in honor of all of our mothers.

What Month is It?

2008-05-04T10:23:00.000-07:00

Advertising is twigi. Plain and simple. Tale for instance what I found in my newspaper today, Sunday, May 4th. An advertisement for Danbury Mint's Snoopy Halloween Tree. On the website they just call it the Snoopy Halloween Tree, but whatever. Point being, it's 5 months before October even gets here. I guess I can expect Christmas items to be advertised in July this year.

More twigi advertisements from Nutrisystem. That's one of those weight loss programs with the before and after pictures where something seems off like this lady. The before picture, she's wearing that baggy shirt and sitting down. How can I tell that she actually lost weight? Maybe she just started wearing tighter fitting clothes. And this lady. Before: Close up shot in loose clothing. After: Shot further back in tighter clothing. The one I found in today's paper had a lady wearing this huge, flowing brown smock-like garment before, and a bikini after. The before picture looked like a skinny lady in big clothing. Now I'm not saying Nutrisystem doesn't work, because I don't know. These may be real people who really lost all this weight, but Nutrisystem's advertisements are unconvincing if you take the time to look at the pictures.

But then, advertisements in all their forms are designed to make you think something that's not necessarily true...Advertising is one of the oldest forms of TWIGI.

Hillarism

2008-04-20T15:59:00.000-07:00

Ok, I'm really not picking on Hillary. Actually, this isn't about anything Hillary herself has said or done, but her supporters here in South Carolina. Actually, in the almost month that I've been gone from the TWIGI board, I've missed the opportunity to twigify many things, but I don't like talking about anything over a week old because then it's already old news. Like Obama and his comments about the working class, "It's not surprising then they get bitter. They cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren't like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations." That statement trivializes people's values and suggests that there are some people that can't understand from where there frustrations come. But that was last week...I unfortunately missed the opportunity to twigify Obama, and Hillary, or rather some of her supporters are back in the lime light.

Well, some South Carolina supporters say that Hillary is the victim of sexism. Now, I'm not going to say the insidences mentioned aren't examples of sexism...but I am going to say that I'm not sold. One citation of sexism was a McCain supporter calling Hillary a bitch...well, according to the article, "a derogatory swear word aimed at women"...but we all know what that was. She called Hillary a bitch. Should she have called Hillary a bitch? No. Sexist? I'm not seeing, but I know that's not where this story starts...the article goes on to say that people weren't offended that Hillary was called a bitch...worse yet, they even "chuckled". A female supporter of Republican John McCain called Hillary a bitch and other Republicans chuckled...still not buying it. It's admitted that bitch is a derogatory word targeted at women, but bitch is for women as asshole is for men...and both terms are becoming more and more genderless. Everyone chuckled...they're Republicans...they don't like Hillary...has nothing to do with her gender...it's her politics.

And we all know that bitch isn't in the same category as the racial epithets. I honestly don't know why, but it is. Maybe that's the sexism...but again, I've started hearing men called bitches and women called asshole. May not be frequent still, but I've heard it a few times. And still yet, if that is sexism, I'm still not wholly convinced cause a woman called her that.

Then there's Chris Matthews who said, “The reason she’s a senator, the reason she’s a candidate for president, the reason she may be a front-runner is her husband messed around.” Should he have said that? No. Is it insulting to Hillary? Yes. Is it sexist? Possibly, but I'm not convinced. It's the same as people who say Hillary only has a chance because she is a woman and Obama only has a chance because he's black. It's insulting because it completly ignores any accomplishments and strengths they have...but that doesn't make it prejudice...it's just insulting. Remember when Bill was in office? Remember when people said how Hillary was the real brains behind Bill? Remember their nickname? Billary? Some people said Bill would never have made it as far as he did if it wasn't for Hillary's savvy. Insulting to Bill? Yes. Sexist? No.

Then there's the claim that the media as a whole "has tried to paint a picture of Hillary as a clawing, aggressive woman." That's kind of ironic...why would being an aggressive woman be negative? I mean, she is aggressive. I don't like her because she is too aggressive and is thinking about herself and not much else right now. Not the Democratic Party. And with her attempts to sway guns-righters knowing she supports gun-control, I don't trust her. And clawing? Well, many men have been described as clawing their way to the top. She's aggressive. She's a fighter. But I think she doesn't realize when she's shooting herself in the foot. Male politicians who behave the same way also get bashed for attacking opponents. Remember Alan Keyes comments about Dick Cheney's daughter, Mary? It's what you say, not what sex you are that gets you labelled these things. It's not that Hillary's a woman...it's that she's Hillary. Any aggressive person no matter the gender, race, or religion tends to offend people. That's just how it goes.

Now, except for if bitch should be considered on par with the racial epithets we all know and hate, I don't see sexism...And as far as bitch is concerned...well, not all women get called that...it's only if you are a woman and you do certain things, and I admit somethings don't justify the term and it still gets used. The racial epithets, for those who use them, are appropriate for every member of that race. I think that's the difference...but I'm hypothesizing here.

Speaking of, extra bit of irony...one of those complaining about sexism is Nikki Hardin who is the publisher of a women's magazine called...heh...Skirt! Not a very empowering name for a women's magazine. I can't help but think of the old slang use for skirt like, "'She's a nice bit of skirt!" Not very PC there, Nikki.

Hillary Clinton: Let's Make a Deal

2008-03-30T09:31:00.000-07:00

Anyone wonder if everyone is going to get so tired of Hillary and Barack going back and forth that the Democrats lose the 2008 election? Most likely that would put McCain in office, but then a lot of people aren't happy with the Republicans. What we need is a dark horse candidate like James K. Polk way back in the day. I like Wayne Allyn Root of the Libertarian Party, myself. But Libertarians are too conservative to woo disgruntled Democrats. Maybe we need a true dark horse from a veritably unheard of party like the Evil Genius Party.

As you know, I've been bothered by the constant bickering between Hillary and Barack...especially with Hillary's behavior during the whole thing. That does not mean that I don't hold Barack accountable for this Democratic Civil War, but he seems to be playing a little nicer at least.

Well, Hillary's pulling a TWIGI again this week. This, of course, is about her "misspeak" about being under sniper fire in Bosnia. Turns out that no where else can anyone find an account of sniper fire when she arrived in Bosnia in 1996. No news report confirms it, Sinbad, who was on the same trip, doesn't know about what she is talking, and her own book only mentions reports about snipers in the area. But no actual shots fired.

Her response is that she misspoke...well, no...her response was kind of a frantic ramble frequently heard from teens caught telling something that's not entirely true and becoming agitated that they are being questioned and no one is taking their explanations for the not entire truth.

"I went to 80 countries, you know. I gave contemporaneous accounts, I wrote about a lot of this in my book. You know, I think that, a minor blip, you know, if I said something that, you know, I say a lot of things - millions of words a day - so if I misspoke, that was just a misstatement."

A little more concern in that voice than what I would expect from a memory blip, to use her term, that could be justified by simply saying, "It wasn't Bosnia? I thought it was there. It must have been at one of the other countries from that string of trips." That I can understand. "It was 12 years ago and I got where the event occurred mixed up." Fine. We all do that.

But here's why it gets twigi. She's not really blaming a mental mix-up. She's blaming the number of words that tumble out of her mouth. Apparently if you talk so much, eventually words that aren't supposed to come out begin leaping out during inapropo stories. But even still, fine, she blames her vocal cords more than her memory...whatever, right? But where did it happen? It wasn't Bosnia. Has anyone looked to see where Hillary flew to and had to run, head ducked, from the plane due to sniper fire? I tried Googling, but I just keep getting this story.

But, she hasn't reneged the story. She still insists she was under sniper fire in Bosnia. And the worst part is, why does it even matter? Does being in a poor, war-torn Southeastern European country and being shot at by snipers make anyone a better presidential candidate? If so, then a lot of people in Charlottesville, Virgina have become better suited to be the president than they were at the beginning of the week. Even if the story was true from the get go, I wouldn't have thought, "Well, she'd be a better president because she got shot at."

I have a morbid fascination with presidents of this country and read books about them all the time. Well, the books are not biographies and such usually...guides I guess talking about each president and his accomplishments and scandals. Books like The Complete Book of Presidents by William DeGregorio, The Secret Lives of the US Presidents by Cormac O'Brien, Presidential Diversions by Paul F. Boller, Jr., and Imperfect Presidents by Jim Cullen. What I've come to learn by the various takes that these men have on our presidents is that...nothing prepares you to be president. Many presidents who had found no success anywhere else become skillful presidents, and some who seemed born and bred to be the ultimate president failed miserably. I think it's not experience that makes a good president. I think it's attitude, and Hillary's attitude...scares me.

Remember...It's TWIGI you can count on...

The twiginess of sex and drugs.

2008-03-16T11:56:00.000-07:00

It's an election year, so of course, there are lots of presidential hopeful twiginess, but that doesn't keep other political personalities from showing off their twigi. And people around them are getting twigi, too.

On the local front here in South Carolina, former state treasurer Thomas Ravenel lost his job because of a drug addiction. Ravenel admits to smoking marijuana at 15, snorting cocaine at 18, and using LSD, ecstasy, and other drugs thoughout high school and college. His drug of choice was cocaine using at least 2 grams of coke every couple of weeks. Now, drugs are twigi because our society doesn't seem to take the problem seriously. I mean, take popular media...movies, for instance. How many movies get made based simply on drug use? How many use drug use as a source of comedy? How many of these are rated PG-13? Like Perfect Score? Well, Perfect Score does have the pothead character turn his life around, but then will teen viewers remember the end where he straightens up his life, or the beginning where he is prominently used as comedy relief? But movies like How High, the Scary Movie series, and most teen comedies these days display marijuana use as "just a little fun". It's an escape that has more carcinogens than cigarettes and can be spiked with worse narcotics.

But what really set my twigi-meter off was the newspaper article about Ravenel's conviction. What I found...offputting...is that the article starts off proclaiming how Ravenel used drugs to varying degrees since he was 15 and was still able to earn millions of dollars and get elected to public office. Again, and maybe it's just that as a teacher at an alternative middle school servicing expelled students, I find it bothersome that my students can now use Ravenel as a reason that they don't have to worry about their marijuana use because he was using cocaine and was still successful. I think the tone of the article could have been better set to show how bad his behavior was. I also think his sentence should be worse, because I know my students. "Wha'? 10 months in jail? That ain't nothin'! $250,000? Shoot, he's a millionaire. He prob'ly carries dat in his pocket!"

Then there's Eliot Spitzer. We know all about him and prostitute "Kristen". "Kristen" is really Ashley Alexandra Dupre, who apparently is unhappy with media putting her in the spotlight. Sorry, honey. You can't expect to do something like get paid to have sex with the Governor of New York and not assume that if it's discovered what he's doing, your face won't also be plastered all over the place. Her lawyer is talking about copyright law with pictures being used with news articles. So, would she be complaining if she was getting a percent from the periodicals? There's a complaint about accessing pictures from her MySpace page? MySpace? She says on her MySpace page, "I Keep Seeing Myself on TV. This is Very Strange." "Strange" doesn't sound like she's that offended or distraught over the attention. I'll de-twigi Miss Dupre if she does not accept any of the many offers we all know she's getting to talk about herself, to show herself, etcetera. She's supposedly a musician and if she gets an album offer while this mess is still "newsworthy" and takes it, she stays twigi. If she poses nude in Hustler for the $1 million Flynt is offering, she stays twigi. You can't complain about the attention and cash in on it. But if she takes no money, no offers, and stops selling her body to high profile clients, then she will have convinced me that she doesn't want the attention and she just didn't think things through when Governor Bad Apple called her up. Hell, she needs to learn to get a real job. If there's not a whole lot of growth from this, then she is twigi.

Well, that's all for now. Avoid the twigi, cause the twigi won't avoid you.

Radio Commercials and Marriages...Well, Almost Marriages

2008-03-03T11:25:00.000-08:00

In this week's TWIGI, we look at chicken, marriage laws, and fatigue.

I heard in a Publix radio commercial about their chicken being raised on vegetarian diets. I've been trying to find information about what this does for the little guys and I've found this on the Publix website, "All-natural chickens are humanely raised on carefully selected farms in flock houses with an abundance of fresh air, space and light. They enjoy a nutritious, all-vegetarian diet that is totally free of artificial ingredients, artificial coloring, preservatives, meat and animal by-products." But I still don't understand what the point is. They're happier before we fry them...Great.

But chickens are omnivorous. As Wikipedia tells us, "In the wild, chickens often scratch at the soil to search for seeds, insects and even larger animals such as lizards or young mice." I know any shmoe could come along and put some insanity up that came from his drug induces stupor, but I raise chickens and I've seen them do this. I've seen them eat roaches and mice. So some people are artificially controlling the diet of an animal? It may not be putting them in cages and feeding them hormones, but where's PETA? That's twigi!

In Mexico, they've proposed legal contracts penalizing the soon-to-be bride or groom if he or she changes their mind after the engagement is set. I have enough trouble with prenuptual agreements. I mean, if you don't trust the other person enough to assume you'll be married forever...then don't marry that person. But here we are talking about a lack of trust so strong that you're not positive that you'll even get to the marriage day. Also, what if I call off the engagement because I found out she's been sleeping with my 4 brothers, and my boss and his wife, and the bully who picked on me in high school, and my pet goat...but she won't agree to cancel the wedding? Do I have to pay? I know it could probably be written to say there are extinuating circumstances...but I wouldn't want to have to await someone else's judgement about whether or not I have a good enough reason to back out. That's just twigi!

In a related story, a Philippine woman is suing her ex-fiance. Seems he was just about to say "I do" when a woman stepped into the church proclaiming that the ceremony should stop. Seems someone high in the sky has been watching too many Hollywood romances. Anyway, the groom left his bride, hugged the mystery woman, and ran off together. Now she's suing Don Gone for damages. Now, hold the pumpkin, princess. Assuming you and/or your family has put a lot of money into this thing and you have every reason to want that money back. But damages? See, now I draw the line. Yes, it was traumatic. Yes, it was embarrassing. But your asking for $13,500 because he hurt your feelings.

Let's take this a small step further. High school boy takes high school girl to high school prom. Boy and girl have a good time but Other Girl shows up. Boy kisses Other Girl. Everyone sees. She's hurt...embarrassed...Does she get to sue for thousands of dollars?

What if she had left him? Could he sue?

Granted, if you find the right lawyer, you could sue for just about anything. It's about what the judge thinks, or jury depending I guess. So this may be nothing...But if she gets money? Everyone, beware who you date...saying "You're not the one for me" may cost you, and that's twigi!

The woman said she hasn't slept well since December when the incident occurred. And did you know that lack of sleep and poor sleep are the leading causes of fatigue? I heard a radio ad inform me of this. I was shocked! It was for some sleep aid, but I was so surprised that not sleeping or sleeping poorly would actually cause fatigue. Unbelievable! Or well...not.

This is another one of those mind-numbingly obvious statements that your brain actually throws up Duh all over your braincase. Any advertiser for any product who feels he or she needs to ask a question that insults the listeners with the question itself needs to be whipped with a cat-o-nine-tails. Advertisers, did you know that being whipped causes excruciating pain and visible scarring? Did you know asking questions where the answer is obvious is twigi? Now you do.

Hillary, Buses, and Moderate Fitness

2008-02-24T10:03:00.000-08:00

Saturday morning, I awoke to find that some of the twigi in presidential campaigning efforts is finally getting negative press as my newspaper proclaimed, "Hurling insults now a turnoff". The article was about Hillary's comment about Barack Obama promoting "change you can Xerox."

Now, I like what Obama says about it being the "silly season" and how we are tired of the attacks and ready to hear what they plan to do. Hillary doesn't seem to get it as she immediately makes that derisive comment. Two Democrats that can't seem to get along...doesn't look to good for the Democratic party, in my twigified opinion.

Also Saturday morning I saw an article about school bus incidents and what it's like being a school bus driver. This feature story, of course, was spurred on by the incident in Cottonwood, Minneapolis where the woman slammed into a school bus with her van killing four children. Of course, it was smart of my newspaper to save that article for Saturday when students would not be on the buses they are talking about. What I can't figure out is why states across the nation have some form of seat belt law, except New Hampshire, but buses aren't required to have seat belts? That's twigi, there. I know, I know...costs. But there should be a federal push to protect our children on these vehicles.

Finally, I read how studies show that moderate fitness can help avoid strokes...Um...Duh. Moderate fitness can help just about anything if you're a couch potato. Stop wasting money doing studies that just proove what we can figure out just using common sense. Do research that says eating a spoonful of mayonnaise improves liver function, or that cheese stimulates endorphines which increase one's sense of humor. Studies which prove what we should know with common sense? Now that's twigi.

Here's a study I want to see...I want to see how the top 60 politicians from both major parties would fare in a school bus trip across America without seatbelts, and if the bus driver could tell if there was much difference between how the school children behave, and how the politicians behave.

In TWIGI we trust: Our Growing Twigiocracy

2008-02-17T08:44:00.000-08:00

Welcome back to TWIGI, the blog that exposes how The World Is Going Insane!

A plethora of articles in recent papers provide details about Political Primaries that will leave you feeling peckish or even perturbed. I'm here to tell you that these Presidential Primaries are twigi!

Many people are discontented with the United States's political process, but I'm not going to talk to you about the two-party system (which is twigi because it's the voters that keep the two-party system going because they won't give other parties a chance). or voting machines, or how he who raises the most money has the better chance of winning, or any of that. I'm here to talk to you about how political hopefuls behave leading up to and during the primaries...

Like petulent primadonnas!

Why do we tolerate politicians who spend more time bad mouthing and dragging down their opponents (who are in the same party no less!) and less time explaining why they are qualified for the position and what they plan to do if they get elected? Instead it's "He's a waffler!", "She's a hypocrit!" "He might be a member of the Democratic Party, but if you look at his record, it shows he's a Republican in sheep's clothing!" blah blah...I don't want to hear your opinions about the other person. I want to hear about YOU!

Imagine if job interviews were like Presidential Primaries:

"Mr. Twigi, why should this company hire you?"
"Well, the last guy you interviewed...his tie clashed...I mean, wow, you know. Is he colorblind? Not to be insensitive, but clearly, if he's colorblind, he should have done something to compensate so he wouldn't wear clothes that didn't match rather than ignoring the problem. I don't think this company wants someone who will just ignore a weakness, but someone who will address it and find a solution. I'm that guy!

Also, he lives in a room over his mother's garage. Fear of independence. You won't find the next hot CEO with a guy living with his mom.

And his sister's a lesbian. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but how can he support family values with a lesbian sister?

And another thing..."

No facts about the applicant...just "the other guy". Before I continue, please note I bare no ill will towards the homosexual community. I just wanted to illustrate how politicians will use anything against an opponent and we've had people's relatives' sexual orientation called out in public against them.

In four years, if a candidate can step forward and focus his campaign on himself or herself rather than the faults of his opponents, unless he supports something crazy like Free Cellphones for the Homeless, then there's a great chance I'll vote for him simply because of his classy campaign.

Speaking of cellphones...Here's a twigi bit of society. It seems that at concerts, audiences have begun replacing the lighters held up in appreciation with...cellphones? C'mon! That's just ridiculous. That's twigi! Please dial the number of the reason it's twigi now...

*beep* 1) The first line of the linked article above says we should blame anti-smoking laws...um, no. See, holding a lit lighter up is NOT smoking...It's holding a lighter up.

*beep* 2) It talks about audience members desire to contact friends in the middle of a concert. So rather than enjoying the concert, you're taking yourself out the experience of a live performance to talk long distance with someone you speak with nearly everyday to tell him what you are seeing? Lame! And that doesn't explain the need to hold the things up like lighters.

*beep* 3) Lighters making very little noise...Cellphones do not. They beep and chirp and make their own music, and how distracting would it be to be rocking out to one song and hear somebody else's song coming from a cellphone? Rude!

*beep* 4) Cellphones are used, many times, for emergencies. So it's after the concert and you're on the way home and your car's fuel line bursts. You're stranded. You reach for your cellphone to call for assistance and...It's dead, because you've had the thing on and open and been using it at the concert. Sucker!

Come back in another week for more twiginess...Same TWIGI time, Same TWIGI channel...

The World Is Going Insane

2008-02-10T16:34:00.000-08:00

Welcome to TWIGI!

What's that? You don't know what TWIGI is? Well, pull up a seat while I explain...

See, it all started when I noticed that I kept saying the same thing and thinking the same thing when I discovered certain news stories and feature articles. These stories and articles would be about something so bizarre that I would declare, "The world is going insane!" That phrase became so common for me that I decided I needed to condense it into one brief exclamation and that word is "twigi," which stands for, you guessed it, The World Is Going Insane. So something that is twigi is something which demonstrates in some fashion how we, as a collective world, are losing our grips on what a reasonable reality should be. So, this will not be about one person doing something crazy and everyone going, "That's crazy!" As long as most of us can recognize it as crazy, insane, and nutso, then it is not twigi. But when something happens or someone does something insane and everyone seems ok with it...That is twigi.

For example, earlier this week I heard about how Fulton County schools, in Georgia, want to pay students to attend a one hour after-school tutoring program. They will receive $8.oo for the hour with bonuses if their grades improve. That, my friends, is twigi. Article

See, first, tutoring is an act which gets paid for because the tutee is gaining something from the tutor.

Second, I've heard of parents doing the money reward for grades and I think that's twigi too. The money students will get for their grades comes after they get a job with the education they received. And if your children won't take school seriously, you can pay them...with punishment. Take those cell phones and ipods and game systems away. That TV in their room? Gone! Take everything but books, paper, and pencil away, take away the excursions with their friends to the movies, the mall, wherever, take it all, until those grades come back up. Then they can get more than the books, paper, and pencil.

Another item I heard over the radio was about how women are starting to have their bride's maids in their wedding sign Wedding Party Contracts dictating, among the possibilities, a guarantee of no weight gain, a promise to not change hair style, and a promise to not get too liquered up. Hold the stagecoach princess, let me 'splain somethin' here...It may be your wedding day, but that don't make you Lady High Mistress of my life! If you can't trust me, then I shouldn't even be invited, much less in the wedding party. And that's why it's twigi. Why can't they be responsible for their own bride's maid dresses? Who cares if they doing something different with their hair? Trust them enough to not get toasted and start slurring on about all the men you screwed in college. If you can't? Well, you need better friends.

Last twigi news story for this week...a man received 18 years for killing his girlfriend. It's not what he did that makes this news story twigi, it's that it took two years before they prosecuted him...if he was in jail all that time and was innocent, that's wrong. If he was loose and was guilty, that's wrong. Do it quick, get it over with. The fact that he drove around with his grilfriend's body in the trunk of his car, beat her to death with a bat, and was found guilty of MANSLAUGHTER because he was defending himself from his girlfriend, makes it twigi. See, the story is that she attacked him with a fireplace poker, and he retaliated with a bat. Chances are, one hit with the bat wouldn't kill someone in most cases, and worse, the fireplace poker which he was assaulted with was sitting neatly in its stand. So he beat his girlfriend with a bat because that was the only way he could defend himself, and after he killed her, in self-defense because I'm sure she just kept lunging with that poker after each whack of the bat, he then neatly placed the poker in the stand, and loaded the body into his trunk...but it was all self-defense...Now, that's twigi.

Well, thank you for checking out TWIGI. If you agree the world is going insane, then come by next week as I share more evidence that the world is, in fact, going insane. My feature discussion will be about the Presidential Primaries. In TWIGI We Trust: Our Growing Twigiocracy.

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2008-02-10T14:22:00.001-08:00

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