TWIGI: The World Is Going Insane

Sanford's Follies

2009-06-28T14:51:00.000-04:00

Governor Mark Sanford of my home state of South Carolina flew to Argentina for a week for an international booty call with an Argentine journalist. Should he resign? Yes. Should he even be given the option? No.

First, if his family can't trust him, how can we trust him? That's the first problem. Second, he flew, using my tax dollars, to another country for a booty call and did so without telling anybody. No one on his staff knew where he was or what was going on.

If I didn't show up for work for a week, I'd be fired. If I used workplace monies for something, anything, other than workplace spending, I'd be reprimanded and if it was as much money as it would take to fly to Argentina, I'd be fired. We need to stop having different expectations for politicians than the expectations that we in an average job are expected to uphold.

And bravo to wife Jenny for booting Mark to the curb. Enough of this tolerance for cheating political husbands...Bravo, ma'am...

Sensitivity Fail

2009-05-25T11:26:00.000-04:00

So reading the newspaper this morning, I didn't see anything really interesting except the very cool horror novella by Koji Suzuki "Drop" printed on toilet paper (I blogged it here), when I came across an article where my local newspaper had a sensitivity failure.

So, as you see, sitting above the headline "Indigent Burials Swell in Bad Economy" it reads "Death and Taxes". This phrase from Benjamin Franklin, "Our new Constitution is now established, and has an appearance that promises permanency; but in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes," was a tongue-and-cheek statement...it was a joke.

And my newspaper uses it in association with an article about the poor dying...

Twigi!

Here's the article, if you're interested.

How do you tell somebody, 'You need to feed your children’?"

2009-03-13T20:15:00.001-04:00

Ok, look at that title..."How do you tell somebody, 'You need to feed your children’?"

That was not asked by an employee being trained to go into a home suspected of child abuse or mistreatment of a child. It was asked by Reggie Lloyd, director of South Carolina's State Law Enforcement Division. The director of the law enforcement division of an entire state. Let's look at the quote in its entirety...

"We can’t prevent everything. How do you tell somebody, 'You need to feed your children’?"

Aren't there laws about child abuse Mr. State Law Enforcement Director? Isn't starvation a form of abuse, Mr. Law Enforement Director? Are even prisoners of war, terrorists, or mass murderers allowed to be starved? No. No! NO!

So why should some parents be allowed to not feed their children?!

It's disgusting that the Director of Law Enforcement can't tell parents; "You have to feed your children" - almost as disgusting as letting your child starve - because that passivity is allowing parents to decide to not feed their children.

That's twigi!

The story: Four Deaths Bring State Probe

Ingestion of Library Books May Be Harmful

2009-03-01T18:35:00.002-05:00

It's the ALA vs. the CPSC as libraries the country over are concerned the new lead limits applied by the Consumer Product Safety Commission will wipe out their children's book sections. According to the new regulations, public, school, academic and museum libraries would be required either to remove all their children’s books or ban all children under 12 from visiting the facilities as of February 10.

Ok, lead poisoning in children is pretty much the cause of ingestion. So, who's letting 12 year olds and younger eat books? Ok, you're right, a toddler might get a hold of a book and chew on it, but are toddlers toddling around libraries without supervision? Are parents leaving childrens' books checked out from the library out where the tots can munch on them?

Like most things where regulations affect childrens' products, it does come down to that supervision compnent, a notion seemingly outdated. Babyproof the rooms, babyproof the baby toys, babyproof the library books so we don't have to actually pay that much attention to the babies.

February 10 was the date the libraries would have to be up to code with their childrens' books, so hopefully the CPSC said, "Yeah, we're not talking about you guys...duh!" But I can't find proof of that, so I'll have to assume it didn't go full out twigi...

That or I missed the book burning...and I feel cheated that no one called me for that. Watching Nazis burn books on old videos would become so much more authentic if I got to see one in person.

http://www.ala.org/ala/newspresscenter/news/pressreleases2009/january2009/wocpsc.cfm

No Take Backs!

2009-01-11T10:35:00.001-05:00

Richard Batista, ladies and gentlemen, donated his kidney to his wife. Supposedly she cheated on him. I say supposedly because her lawyer says it's not like Batista says, but they're keeping quiet for now. In his suit for divorce he says he wants his kidney back or $1.5 million.

Now, he's upset because she's not letting him see his 3 children, and I can sympathize, but you take that to the judge and say, "Hey, I demand visitation rights." You don't demand an organ or a large chunk of change.

Here's an article: New York Daily News

See, the key here is what the incident was called...everywhere I look says the same..."donate". He donated the kidney. Let's look at the word "donate."

The #1 definition of "donate" on the Merriam-Webster website is, "to make a gift of ; especially : to contribute to a public or charitable cause." The root of the word goes all the way back to Latin: dare - to give and donum - gift. Even way back in the way back time, it meant a gift...not a loan.

"Here, borrow my kidney." I don't think so.

You can actually watch Batista in this report and see that he is a petulant child in this YouTube video:

That's just twigi!

Check out some personal brushes with litigation twiginess here with links to George Will's take on the subject and a "Weird Al" Yankovic video.

Black Friday

2008-11-29T18:31:00.000-05:00

Well, what a wonderful f***ing start to the holiday season. Merry Christmas, everyone.

Here's the story: Black Friday Carnage

Now, let me see if I understand this...Every year, people freak out the day after Thanksgiving and go on a Christmas spending spree. Every year people fight over toys and sale items and Tickle Me F***ing Elmo (you remember that, right?). This year, however, it gets worse. An employee actually gets trampled and killed. Other people injured, including a woman 8 months pregnant (although I have an aside about her twiginess in a minute).

What is WRONG with you people? Is the ability to give someone a TV for $200 less worth it? Are you kidding me?

According to the psychologists in the article, it's fear of not having stuff...stuff...I don't have enough stuff. I don't have as much stuff as the next guy. Which means, and this is what I thought when I heard about the story without all this info, is it's egotism. Rampant, self-involved, self-centered egotism running rampant through our society. Look at what I can buy you. Aren't I so thoughtful and caring?

And while New York is the only place where someone got killed, people were fighting over stuff all over the country. Well, God Bless Us Every One. Over stuff.

I guess Black Friday is the first day of the most hypocritical time of the year...falalala la la la la...

The Twiginess of the Holidays!

2008-10-19T17:39:00.000-04:00

On Friday I entered a Rite-Aid. I was searching for this...

My wife is in love with Zachary Quinto, and while she prefers Star Wars, we both are big Star Trek fans. I didn't find the magazine...but I did find Twigitainment Weekly.

Rite-Aid had its Halloween items on sale. 33% off.

Whut?

Let me check the calender...Let's see...Friday was October 17. Halloween is on October 31. 14 days away...Exactly 2 weeks.

Why is Rite-Aid selling its Halloween items with two weeks until the actual holiday? Well, there were Christmas items encroaching on Halloween items. There were boxes of Christmas stuff waiting to be unpacked.

I'm sorry. No.

See, will Christmas items be put o sale and moved off of shelves to make room for New Years hats?

I find the movement of Christmas purchase items earlier and earlier to be grotesque. I love Christmas, don't get me wrong. But if Christmas is about family, and Jesus's birth, and compassion for all man, then why is it necessary to start selling Christmas items 70 days before the holiday? I don't put up Christmas decorations before the day after Thanksgiving. I don't listen to Christmas music until the day after Thanksgiving. That's how I grew up. That's tradition. Spending money now on Christmas is not going to make my Christmas better. I'm going to celebrate Halloween. Have a great time. I'm going to then celebrate Thanksgiving. I'll enjoy it. Then I will look to Christmas.

Halloween is the second most successfully marketed holiday. Christmas is #1. If we start letting Christmas blur over both Thanksgiving and Halloween, then we're going to start loosing those holidays and those traditions. Then only the marketers win, because they've turned their largest sales season into two months of sales, and we'll have lost two holidays linked to our cultural heritage.

I'm sorry

The Cost of Respect

2008-10-12T10:00:00.000-04:00

Ah, Election Year...Poli-twiging roung the clock...McCain actually says to a crowd of supporters that he respects Obama...Says voters don't have to be afraid of an Obama presidency (I would have added, "Not with me running against him.")...and his supporters boo...someone calls him a traitor...Whut tha Twigi?

You know, when did respect for an opponent become a bad thing? My vote is still up for sale, but McCain went up a notch with this comment. Now, I'm sure plenty of McCain opponents are saying that it's just a line, but it's got a strand of truth to it...not necessarily McCain truth, because if it's just a line, then it's not truth, but a universal truth...Politics shouldn't be personal and it shouldn't be disrespectful...it should be opinions and respectful discourse.

Presidential Tees

2008-10-05T11:24:00.000-04:00

It's still a month away from the presidential election, and if you find the debates, mud-slinging, I can do anything you can do better-ing silly, annoying, and just plain twigi, the good people at Attack of the Radioactive Tees have released their lol presidential candidate shirts features John McCain and Barack Obama...

Both candidates ask, "i can haz prezdenci?"

Or if you find the vice-presidential candidates more fun, then try out their Biden: Political Historian design featuring Biden and his quote about the stock market, Roosevelt, and television...

Or Attack of the Radioactive Tees' Palin: International Diplomat shirt featuring Sarah Palin and her proud proclamation about Alaska's proximity to Russia...

All designs are available in several colors and styles and can be found on several different items as well. There's still a month to go! Get them while they last!

Political Math

2008-09-15T14:37:00.000-04:00

Ok, I've complained about this before. It's still twigi, it still keeps being talked about, so I am going to keep calling it twigi.

When you go vote in November, how many names will be on the ballot? Two? Will you only see McCain and Obama?

NO!

There are 10 other parties with someone running, and yes, I know...not all of them are on the ballot is all of the states, but whose fault is that? The voters.

But it really gets my dander up when reporters act like the others don't exist. Nonbiased news reporting my big, fat tookas.

Steven Thomma, last week, has an article published about "two competing visions of 'change'", or, in my paper's case, "Whose vision will sway voters? They must decide between 2 competing philosophies of change."

How many visions? How many philosophies? Should be a dozen there, buddy-ro.

Everybody keeps talking about change and looking to Obama and McCain for that change. I say look elsewhere...look to ourselves for change and that means we need to look beyond Republicans and Democrats. After all, we had 8 years of Democrats. We had 8 years of Republicans. Will going back to Democrats really be change?

Up for election: two competing visions of 'change'

This shirt, showing who really has the power to change the country, is available at Attack of the Radioactive Tees.

The Law of Supply and Dumb-mand

2008-09-14T17:36:00.000-04:00

When you heard Ike was rumbling through the Gulf of Mexico and toward Texas, what did you do? Run to the stores for bread and water? Board windows? Stockpile gas to be sure you'd be able to drive when Ike was through? Those are all things that you should have done...if you lived in Texas on the coast. Hell, you should have evacuated, but you could have done those things before leaving for your return.

So why were people flooding gas stations 900 miles from where the hurricane hit? Why were gas stations here in South Carolina running out of gas? Why did gas prices at a local gas station go up 20 cents in 3 hours?

The excuse is that the Texas coast along the Gulf of Mexico is a major source of oil. Drilling rigs in the Gulf were damaged, refineries shut down and we don't know how long it's going to take before they get them up again. I mean, they have to look for damage, get power back, etc. It's not just a matter of walking back in and hitting the on switch.

But come on!

The rush for gas here had nothing...NOTHING...to do with supply. It had to do with prices. Buy it now before the gas prices go up higher. We start thinking gas prices are going to go up, we think, "I'm getting what I can now! Screw the neighbors!"

If we just go about our normal business, gas might go up some, but we wouldn't run out. Texas gives us 1/5 of the countries oil, and most of the southeast gas comes from the Gulf, but the federal government's trying to help with the Environmental Protection Agency temporarily suspending a dozen states' fuel-blending requirements.

People can complain about gas stations gouging customers at times like this, but a large part of that is we are gouging ourselves and our neighbors when we flood the stations just so we can get cheaper gas...not because we need it. And that goes double for those of you with the red gas cans.

Stop being twigi. We're in this together. A little bit of patience and everything will return to normal...unless they think they can get away with $4.00 a gallon gas, and if they think that, it's because we're buying it.

Associated Press article on rising gas prices

The Law of TWIGI part 2: Homer...I mean Frank vs. Netflix

2008-08-10T10:50:00.000-04:00

Then there's Frank. In a similar situation, Frank was bothered the find out that you can't rent unlimited DVDs from Netflix...Which...you can...but I guess the problem was with how quickly he was getting them...or how much they were charging...Basically, Frank is claiming false advertising. He also had a problem with the shipping. He wasn't getting his movies in one day. I can't find Frank's specific claims, but I don't need them...I mean, what do you expect?

Early Netflix ads stated "unlimited DVD rentals"...Can you rent from Netflix? Yes. Can you rent DVDs from Netflix? Yes. Unlimited? Naturally that's a bit of an exaggeration, depending on how you take it. Unlimited DVDs? That's obviously not what it means. The laws of science say there's a limit to how many DVDs I rent because there's a limit to the number of DVDs that exist. Unlimited rental? To a degree, but again, laws of science and nature impede the true meaning of "unlimited". Limited by time to watch the movies.

In June I rented 14 movies from Netflix and July I rented 18. Both months I was on the 4 movie plan, so I payed $24.00. That's about a movie every other day. That's $1.50 per movie. That's a hell of a deal compared to when I would rent movies from a rental store for twice that much at least. Plus not having to pay for the gas to go there? Finding out what I wanted to rent was already rented or they just don't carry it? I've got 61 discs in my rental queue. 61 titles I don't have to try and remember. I don't see a problem.

Then Netflix claimed "one day shipping"...Again, let's be logical. Of course, some locations it will take longer. I put a movie in the mail box Monday. They get it Tuesday and tell me they're shipping my next movie. I get it Wednesday...consistently, with the occasional extra day because the movie I want isn't in the nearest distribution center.

And all of this is explained in the Terms of Service. But TOS's aren't read anymore. And logic? Fugitaboutit! I can't believe someone, Frank in this case, is willing to say, "Uh, I din't unnerstand..." But the frivolous lawsuit wins again. I can't help but think of Homer simpson when he sued the Frying Dutchman seafood restaurant over its "All You Can Eat Buffet"...

Homer Simpson: All you can eat. Ha!
Lionel Hutz: Mr. Simpson, this is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film, ``The Never-Ending Story''.

That's comedy. That was satire. The real thing is so much twigier!

The Law of TWIGI part 1: Subway vs. Reginald vs. Police

2008-08-09T09:18:00.000-04:00

Let's face it...there's always going to be someone trying to abuse the legal system. Crazy law suits abound, and crazy calls to the police are even more frequent.

Take Reginald of Florida. He went to a Subway sandwich shop and ordered a sub. But apparently, the workers weren't making it correctly. Now, the normal way of dealing with this situation is to say politely, "Excuse me, I think you left off the sauce." I've been there myself...in a Subway..."Excuse me, could I get that warmed?" But not Reginald. According to Subway employees, he started yelling and decided to call police. I can hear the call now...

911 Operator: "911. What's your emergency?"

Reginald: "They're not making my sandwich correctly."

911: "Sir?"

Reginald: "They left the sauce off. I need the sauce for the sandwich to be right. I'm hungry. I need to eat. They're starving me because they won't give me the sauce. Make it right."

911: "Ummm..."

Reginald: "You're with them aren't you. You're a part of this conspiracy, aren't you!"

911: "Is this Crankyankers?"

Reggie: "Are you coming on to me? What are you wearing."

911: "Police will be there soon. Believe you me!"

Or, you know, something like that...So while that 911 call is being placed, the shop workers lock the door. I suppose they felt he might do something...crazy!

But the story doesn't end there. The police didn't arrive and cart Reginald off to a padded cell. The police didn't arrive. So Reginald called 911 again...

911: "911. What's your emergency?"

Reggie: "Where are they?"

911: "Where are who, sir?"

Reggie: "The police! Where are they?"

911: "What's the emergency, sir?"

Reg: "I need the police!"

911: "You need to tell me what the problem is, sir, so that I can tell the police."

Reg: "The problem is that the police aren't here!"

911: "Who's on first?"

Reg: "What?"

911: "He's on second..."

Or...something like that...

Now that's twigi...

911 Subway story

Then there's Frank. In a similar situation, Frank was bothered the find out that you can't rent unlimited DVDs from Netflix...Which...you can...but I guess the problem was with how quickly he was getting them...or how much they were charging...Basically, Frank is claiming false advertising. He also had a problem with the shipping. He wasn't getting his movies in one day. I can't find Frank's specific claims, but I don't need them...I mean, what do you expect?

Early Netflix ads stated "unlimited DVD rentals"...Can you rent from Netflix? Yes. Can you rent DVDs from Netflix? Yes. Unlimited? Naturally that's a bit of an exaggeration, depending on how you take it. Unlimited DVDs? That's obviously not what it means. The laws of science say there's a limit to how many DVDs I rent because there's a limit to the number of DVDs that exist. Unlimited rental? To a degree, but again, laws of science and nature impede the true meaning of "unlimited". Limited by time to watch the movies.

In June I rented 14 movies from Netflix and July I rented 18. Both months I was on the 4 movie plan, so I payed $24.00. That's about a movie every other day. That's $1.50 per movie. That's a hell of a deal compared to when I would rent movies from a rental store for twice that much at least. Plus not having to pay for the gas to go there? Finding out what I wanted to rent was already rented or they just don't carry it? I've got 61 discs in my rental queue. 61 titles I don't have to try and remember. I don't see a problem.

Then Netflix claimed "one day shipping"...Again, let's be logical. Of course, some locations it will take longer. I put a movie in the mail box Monday. They get it Tuesday and tell me they're shipping my next movie. I get it Wednesday...consistently, with the occasional extra day because the movie I want isn't in the nearest distribution center.

And all of this is explained in the Terms of Service. But TOS's aren't read anymore. And logic? Fugitaboutit! I can't believe someone, Frank in this case, is willing to say, "Uh, I din't unnerstand..." But the frivolous lawsuit wins again. I can't help but think of Homer simpson when he sued the Frying Dutchman seafood restaurant over its "All You Can Eat Buffet"...

Homer Simpson: All you can eat. Ha!

Lionel Hutz: Mr. Simpson, this is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film, ``The Never-Ending Story''.

That's comedy. That was satire. The real thing is so much twigier!

Honorary Twiginator: Leonard Pitts, Jr.

2008-08-08T16:11:00.000-04:00

We here at TWIGI would like to name editorialist Leonard Pitts, Jr. an honorary Twiginator. Mr. Pitts called out Oklahoma County commissioner Brent Rinehart as an example of the stupidification of America. Of course, I can't explain it better than Leonard Pitts, Jr., so I'll just link to his article. Oh, and bravo for mentioning the movie Idiocracy. Everyone should watch that movie and figure out of he or she is contributing to the stupidification, or fighting against it.

Leonard Pitts, Jr. article: The Ongoing Stupidification of America

The CNN Interview

The McCain-Obama Ouroborous

2008-07-27T14:58:00.000-04:00

Nothing is more twigi than politics. Political gesturing trying to win the Homecoming Queen crown of Presidential office brings out some of the most ridiculous of maneuvers.

Obama's been travelling around the world generating a bunch of press and one of his stops was Germany. While in Germany, Obama was planning on visiting wounded American soldiers at the Ramstein Air Force base but he cancelled the visit.

McCain's campaign swooped down like a turkey buzzard criticizing Obama for choosing political leaders and cheering crowds over wounded American soldiers.

Obama's campaign, like a gunslinger, shot back that the visit was cancelled after the Pentagon was concerned about political activity at a military base.

Hold the press...Ok, well, let's face it...Politicians have been visiting wounded soldiers for a long time. I don't know the Pentagon's exact policy about political visits to wounded soldiers, but I know it's not forbidden. Which makes it easy to believe the McCain's campaign add running in Colorado, Pennsylvania, and Washington D.C. saying that it "Seems the Pentagon wouldn't allow him to bring cameras."

Obama's people say Obama didn't want injured soldiers "pulled into the back-and-forth of a political campaign." Fair enough, in theory, but why was the visit sceduled at all if that was a concern?

And the Pentagon says, "Obama would have been required to conform to the Defense Department prohibition of political activity, but that the senator was never told he couldn't visit the hospital." So tell your press people and staff, tell the press in general to back off, and visit. That was the original plan anyway.

I know...so far it seems only Obama is twigi so where does the self-eating ouroborous come in?

McCain's criticism...McCain is criticizing Obama for what may be a sincere concern, though late coming, that the trip would be seen as a cheap political photo-op, though without the press, but word of mouth is still powerful. Meanwhile, where are McCain's trips to American soldiers wounded or not in foreign lands? He visited Iraq, Paris, London, and Israel but I don't see anything about visiting wounded soldiers. McCain said, "if I had been told by the Pentagon that I couldn't visit those troops, and I was there and wanted to be there, I guarantee you, there would have been a seismic event." Which means your criticizing a man who second-guessed doing something you haven't done.

If you can confirm that McCain visited wounded soldiers under the Pentagon's restrictions, please let me know, because right now, their political bickering is making them look both like schmucks. They both look...twigi.

My source: MSNBC

Hollywood Fashion Prejudice

2008-07-11T10:22:00.000-04:00

Don't ask me why, but I was browsing the Yahoo News Fashion faux pas thing. Usually these pictures show famous people wearing garish ensembles and you're like, "Ouch, that outfit looks painful." Every so often you see one that doesn't look THAT bad, and seriously, fashion is in the eye of the beholder. I wouldn't want someone judging my clothes every time I walked out of the house, but then I'm a teacher, so I get a break from the fashion critique over the summer.

But then there's this one...

And the fashion faux pas is...?

According to the guy commenting on the fashions, "Did Audrina lose her AmEx? It looks like the reality TV "star" and her bearded boy toy Justin Bobby went clothes shopping at the Salvation Army ... not Saks Fifth Avenue."

Oh, ho, ho...so it's a fashion mistake to dress...normal? That's twigi...

Frozen Food

2008-07-11T09:51:00.000-04:00

Have you ever paid close attention to the information you can find on frozen food packages? Have you thought about this information? It can be very peculiar. Take, for instance, Bundinos, possiblt the most bizarre I've found. It's nothing particularly strange, I suppose. There's nothing especially odd about the ingredients. But the package comes with nine little Bundinos. What makes it odd is that they tell us 4 Bundinos make a serving. Do that math. The only way to eat that equitably in more than one sitting is eating 3 Bundinos...or what they are probably hoping for...buying more boxes so that you don't have loose, random Bundinos. 12 would be the perfect number. Then people who wanted to eat less would have equal portions. If you wanted more than a serving, as I admittedly tend to desire (serving sizes don't make any sense to me), then you could eat 6.

But that's not, really, the twigiest thing about the Bundinos. I looked on all 6 surfaces of the box and the Bundinos come with no oven instructions. None. They only tell you how to cook in the microwave. What in the world? I prefer cooking frozen food in the over, and they don't even give me that option! I appreciate how quick and easy the microwave is, but come on, some of us are willing to wait.

But then frozen food preparation instructions are generally pretty twigi. They all warn you that "cooking times may vary" depending upon your individual microwave. But my experience is that they always vary. The instructed microwave times are, the majority of the time for me, too short. I don't ever have to put food back in the oven after the allotted time.

I did cook the Bundinos in the oven I think about 20 minutes and they were great.

6,000 Signs in Georgia...Won't Make a Difference

2008-07-04T13:05:00.000-04:00

A 17-Year-Old got decapitated at Six Flags Over Georgia amusement park.

That's a news story no one wants to read. Tragic.

"Six Flags officials are uncertain why the unidentified 17-year-old from Columbia, S.C. scaled two six-foot fences and passed signs that said the restricted area was both off-limits and dangerous to visitors..." - SC Teen struck, killed by Six Flags coaster in Ga., by Mike Strobbe, The State.

Now it's still tragic, but also stupid. What was that kid thinking?

Early reports said that he was going to retrieve a hat. Later "authorities said the rising senior at Columbia’s Keenan High School was taking a shortcut back into Six Flags Over Georgia after leaving for lunch with other children during a church outing." - Teen was taking shortcut back to park, by Clif LeBlanc, The State

LeBlanc's article again mentions the warning signs. I am very sorry for this child's death and I feel for his family's loss. Here's where the twiginess comes in...

"State Labor Commissioner Michael Thurmond said the park must make signs bigger, post more of them and add the words 'extreme danger' within 10 days. " - Six Flags ordered to increase safety signs, The State

Why is that twigi? Well, we know the boy scaled two fences...having to get somewhere by scaling fences is usually a sign in and of itself that you are going somewhere you shouldn't be going. It's been repeated over and over that he scaled fences that had signs on them. I'm not so sure more, larger signs that quantify how much danger is beyond them would have prevented anything. And it sounds like Six Flags did something wrong. In the same article, it says "Thurmond says the park met all other safety standards." Thurmond is the State Labor Commissioner. "All other" makes it seem like Six Flags did not meet the safety standard of warning signs. But in the FoxNews article Georgia Six Flags Batman Ride That Decapitated Teen Reopens, With Changes states, "State Labor Commissioner Michael Thurmond says the park met all safety standards but the state has issued new requirements."

So, it's not the park, it's the state. The state of Georgia's safety requirements weren't adequate. But weren't they? Again, I posit that 6,000 bigger signs saying "Certain Death Awaits You" would not have prevented this. The only thing to prevent this sort of thing is common sense, because common sense tells you that scaling two fences to an area underneath a rollercoaster is a bad idea.

The twigiest part of this is the line in both The State's and FoxNews's articles, "scaled two fences and wandered into a restricted area, where he was struck by the roller coaster in Austell" and "scaled two fences and wandered into a restricted area where he was decapitated by the roller coaster." Nearly identical sentences with the same oxymoron. How do you "scale two fences" and "wander" at the same time? Wandering means "to move about without a fixed course, aim, or goal" according to Merriam-Webster's online dictionary. He had a course, an aim, and a goal...Without those, the fences would have been deterrant enough. His goal was to scale the fences and get to the other side. "Wander" makes it sound like he really didn't know where he was. He did. Two fences and some signs told him.

This reminds me of Denis Leary's bit about the guy who wanted to make the warning on cigarette packs bigger. I couldn't find a vid of Leary doing the routine, but someone did an animation to Leary's words. Not very good, to be honest, but it allows me to play it for you. It goes into "I'm an Asshole" afterwards, so it's up to you if you keep watching.

A Hit from the Thong

2008-06-28T09:27:00.000-04:00

If you want to know how insane things are becoming, all you have to do is see what people take to court. Like Richard Overton in 1991 who attempted to sue Anheuser-Busch for false advertising since, when he drank a Bud, he didn't lind himself surrounded by sexy women. And Cleanthi Peters who sued Universal Studios because thair Halloween Horror Nights haunted house was too scary and caused emotional distress. Of course, there are all the lawsuits surrounding music, movies, and video games causing people to do violent things, but even stranger was Edward Brewer who sued Providence Hospital because its security failed to prevent him from raping a patient and it caused him mental anguish.

I'll admit the new member of that illustrious group of plaintiffs isn't as obviously wrong, but Macrida Patterson does fit into that group. Macrida was putting on a Victoria's Secret thong when a staple holding a heart on the side popped and the staple ricocheted and hit her eye. It actually doesn't sound unreasonable until you find out she's worn the thong a few times before, so it's also (hopefully) been washed.

Let's see what Macrida has to say from the Today Show...

I also have to wonder in this lawsuit whether or not the thong was the appropriate size for Macrida. If she bought a thong too small, or it was the correct size, but he had gained weight since its purchase, and it's been worn twice before at least and washed, then I'm thinking this is operator responsibility. I mean, I don't think that staple is going to shoot off with enough force to do any harm unless it was put under more pressure than its recommended operating pressure.

Also, I tend to follow the "Shit-Happens" theory to life. Sometimes shit happens...that doesn't mean, in this case, the product is defective. Sometimes random stuff just happens and it's nobody's fault.

For more ridiculous lawsuits, check out...

The 10 Most Ridiculous Lawsuits of All Time

Strange Lawsuits

Remember to look out for the Twigi, because the Twigi is looking out for you...

A Crazy Canadian Kid's Coup

2008-06-21T15:45:00.000-04:00

Let's say you have a daughter. Your daughter, or son, has been continuously breaking home rules. Her latest infraction has been getting on the computer without permission, going to websites that you blocked, and posting inappropriate pictures of herself on the webs. Then a school trip gets mentioned...one where you need to sign your permission for her to go. So, as punishment for her intentional breach of house rules, you refuse to let her go on the trip.

BUT...

Darling daughter will not fade quietly into grounding. She actually gets a lawyer to sue her father for the right to go on thie field trip. Ok, at this point I'm wondering why any lawyer would even mess with this. I mean, surely wouldn't even be allowed to take up court time. But alas, it gets taken to court. But surely no judge would see it as the court's place to determine the appropriateness of parental discipline short of actual abuse. But alas, a judge overturns a father's punishment.

WHAT!?!

Check it out...

http://news.yahoo.com:80/s/afp/20080618/wl_canada_afp/canadachildcourtoffbeat

That judge has taken every bit of parental power away from this father. This 12-year-old who already has trouble following the rules now can do ANYTHING! A 12-year-old Canadian girl is now in control of her raising. I wouldn't be surprised if the father just wiped his hands and let her go down the path to ruin. Not necessarily out of anger, but because of a feeling of futility. What's the point of trying to stop her from doing anything.

That's twigi, folks...Plain twigi

Democrats, Republicans, and...Libertarians! Oh, my!

2008-05-25T20:30:00.000-04:00

Ok, I'll be honest...I'm tempted to talk about the Going-Down-Hill-ary Clinton camp blaming Obama about Hillary's comment about Robert Kennedy's assassination, blah, blah, blah...But I'm trying to leave her alone, so let's talk Libertarians...

The Libertarians have a candidate now...Bob Barr...Looks pretty respectable and decent. When was the last time we had a president with facial hair though? As a bearer of facial hair, I think it'd be cool, but don't worry, I won't vote for facial hair alone.

So, why, you ask, is Bob and the Libertarians being featured on TWIGI? It doesn't have anything to do with them...it has to do with us, the American people. Bob, and possibly Wayne Allan Root as VP, should have a reasonable shot at the White House. He's a former Republican who criticized Bill Clinton and was one of the prosecutors in Clinton's impeachment. All of that should appeal to fence sitting Republicans who are unhappy with the party.

He's also for getting out of Iraq. He's against same sex marriages, but opposes the Federal Marriage Amendment, so at least he's willing to keep the federal government out of it. He voted for the Patriot Act only AFTER a sunset clause was added making it terminate without a Legislative vote AND regrets voting for the thing at all, and he added pro-civil liberty amendments to Clinton's 1995 Anti-Terrorism Act. He supports repealing the 16th Amendment which gives Congress the power to levy income tax. So he should have some appeal with liberals.

But as the CNN article states, Libertarians haven't been able to pull 400,000 votes. The Libertarians, and possibly some other third parties, should really have a shot...but people seem more inclined to not vote at all than to vote for someone other than a Democrat or Republican. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is twigi.

Happy Mother's Day...It's twigi too!

2008-05-11T12:13:00.000-04:00

It turns out that Mother's Day started 100 years ago. Anna Jarvis, who started Mother's Day in 1908, apparently would be appalled by what Mother's Day has become. Actually, she wished she hadn't started it after it had been going for 40 years. But then that's the way, isn't it? Any good idea quickly becomes commercialized. That's why Arbor Day is almost unheard of, while the more recent creation, Earth Day, gets a nice amount of attention. If you can sell a card for it, you have a winner. Anyway, here's an article on the 100th anniversary from the local publication. Mother's Day Celebration Reaches 100th Anniversary.

And, of course, we all know mother's deserve to earn money for their hard work. According to a recent survey, it was determined that mother's should earn $138,000. So, I propose legislation for motherhood to become a goverment paid job with pay being greater or less than the $138,000 figure based on individual mother efforts and success rates.

A bit of trivial irony before signing off...Anna Jarvis never married and never had children.

Keep the twigi on low today in honor of all of our mothers.

What Month is It?

2008-05-04T13:23:00.000-04:00

Advertising is twigi. Plain and simple. Tale for instance what I found in my newspaper today, Sunday, May 4th. An advertisement for Danbury Mint's Snoopy Halloween Tree. On the website they just call it the Snoopy Halloween Tree, but whatever. Point being, it's 5 months before October even gets here. I guess I can expect Christmas items to be advertised in July this year.

More twigi advertisements from Nutrisystem. That's one of those weight loss programs with the before and after pictures where something seems off like this lady. The before picture, she's wearing that baggy shirt and sitting down. How can I tell that she actually lost weight? Maybe she just started wearing tighter fitting clothes. And this lady. Before: Close up shot in loose clothing. After: Shot further back in tighter clothing. The one I found in today's paper had a lady wearing this huge, flowing brown smock-like garment before, and a bikini after. The before picture looked like a skinny lady in big clothing. Now I'm not saying Nutrisystem doesn't work, because I don't know. These may be real people who really lost all this weight, but Nutrisystem's advertisements are unconvincing if you take the time to look at the pictures.

But then, advertisements in all their forms are designed to make you think something that's not necessarily true...Advertising is one of the oldest forms of TWIGI.

Hillarism

2008-04-20T18:59:00.000-04:00

Ok, I'm really not picking on Hillary. Actually, this isn't about anything Hillary herself has said or done, but her supporters here in South Carolina. Actually, in the almost month that I've been gone from the TWIGI board, I've missed the opportunity to twigify many things, but I don't like talking about anything over a week old because then it's already old news. Like Obama and his comments about the working class, "It's not surprising then they get bitter. They cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren't like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations." That statement trivializes people's values and suggests that there are some people that can't understand from where there frustrations come. But that was last week...I unfortunately missed the opportunity to twigify Obama, and Hillary, or rather some of her supporters are back in the lime light.

Well, some South Carolina supporters say that Hillary is the victim of sexism. Now, I'm not going to say the insidences mentioned aren't examples of sexism...but I am going to say that I'm not sold. One citation of sexism was a McCain supporter calling Hillary a bitch...well, according to the article, "a derogatory swear word aimed at women"...but we all know what that was. She called Hillary a bitch. Should she have called Hillary a bitch? No. Sexist? I'm not seeing, but I know that's not where this story starts...the article goes on to say that people weren't offended that Hillary was called a bitch...worse yet, they even "chuckled". A female supporter of Republican John McCain called Hillary a bitch and other Republicans chuckled...still not buying it. It's admitted that bitch is a derogatory word targeted at women, but bitch is for women as asshole is for men...and both terms are becoming more and more genderless. Everyone chuckled...they're Republicans...they don't like Hillary...has nothing to do with her gender...it's her politics.

And we all know that bitch isn't in the same category as the racial epithets. I honestly don't know why, but it is. Maybe that's the sexism...but again, I've started hearing men called bitches and women called asshole. May not be frequent still, but I've heard it a few times. And still yet, if that is sexism, I'm still not wholly convinced cause a woman called her that.

Then there's Chris Matthews who said, “The reason she’s a senator, the reason she’s a candidate for president, the reason she may be a front-runner is her husband messed around.” Should he have said that? No. Is it insulting to Hillary? Yes. Is it sexist? Possibly, but I'm not convinced. It's the same as people who say Hillary only has a chance because she is a woman and Obama only has a chance because he's black. It's insulting because it completly ignores any accomplishments and strengths they have...but that doesn't make it prejudice...it's just insulting. Remember when Bill was in office? Remember when people said how Hillary was the real brains behind Bill? Remember their nickname? Billary? Some people said Bill would never have made it as far as he did if it wasn't for Hillary's savvy. Insulting to Bill? Yes. Sexist? No.

Then there's the claim that the media as a whole "has tried to paint a picture of Hillary as a clawing, aggressive woman." That's kind of ironic...why would being an aggressive woman be negative? I mean, she is aggressive. I don't like her because she is too aggressive and is thinking about herself and not much else right now. Not the Democratic Party. And with her attempts to sway guns-righters knowing she supports gun-control, I don't trust her. And clawing? Well, many men have been described as clawing their way to the top. She's aggressive. She's a fighter. But I think she doesn't realize when she's shooting herself in the foot. Male politicians who behave the same way also get bashed for attacking opponents. Remember Alan Keyes comments about Dick Cheney's daughter, Mary? It's what you say, not what sex you are that gets you labelled these things. It's not that Hillary's a woman...it's that she's Hillary. Any aggressive person no matter the gender, race, or religion tends to offend people. That's just how it goes.

Now, except for if bitch should be considered on par with the racial epithets we all know and hate, I don't see sexism...And as far as bitch is concerned...well, not all women get called that...it's only if you are a woman and you do certain things, and I admit somethings don't justify the term and it still gets used. The racial epithets, for those who use them, are appropriate for every member of that race. I think that's the difference...but I'm hypothesizing here.

Speaking of, extra bit of irony...one of those complaining about sexism is Nikki Hardin who is the publisher of a women's magazine called...heh...Skirt! Not a very empowering name for a women's magazine. I can't help but think of the old slang use for skirt like, "'She's a nice bit of skirt!" Not very PC there, Nikki.

Hillary Clinton: Let's Make a Deal

2008-03-30T12:31:00.000-04:00

Anyone wonder if everyone is going to get so tired of Hillary and Barack going back and forth that the Democrats lose the 2008 election? Most likely that would put McCain in office, but then a lot of people aren't happy with the Republicans. What we need is a dark horse candidate like James K. Polk way back in the day. I like Wayne Allyn Root of the Libertarian Party, myself. But Libertarians are too conservative to woo disgruntled Democrats. Maybe we need a true dark horse from a veritably unheard of party like the Evil Genius Party.

As you know, I've been bothered by the constant bickering between Hillary and Barack...especially with Hillary's behavior during the whole thing. That does not mean that I don't hold Barack accountable for this Democratic Civil War, but he seems to be playing a little nicer at least.

Well, Hillary's pulling a TWIGI again this week. This, of course, is about her "misspeak" about being under sniper fire in Bosnia. Turns out that no where else can anyone find an account of sniper fire when she arrived in Bosnia in 1996. No news report confirms it, Sinbad, who was on the same trip, doesn't know about what she is talking, and her own book only mentions reports about snipers in the area. But no actual shots fired.

Her response is that she misspoke...well, no...her response was kind of a frantic ramble frequently heard from teens caught telling something that's not entirely true and becoming agitated that they are being questioned and no one is taking their explanations for the not entire truth.

"I went to 80 countries, you know. I gave contemporaneous accounts, I wrote about a lot of this in my book. You know, I think that, a minor blip, you know, if I said something that, you know, I say a lot of things - millions of words a day - so if I misspoke, that was just a misstatement."

A little more concern in that voice than what I would expect from a memory blip, to use her term, that could be justified by simply saying, "It wasn't Bosnia? I thought it was there. It must have been at one of the other countries from that string of trips." That I can understand. "It was 12 years ago and I got where the event occurred mixed up." Fine. We all do that.

But here's why it gets twigi. She's not really blaming a mental mix-up. She's blaming the number of words that tumble out of her mouth. Apparently if you talk so much, eventually words that aren't supposed to come out begin leaping out during inapropo stories. But even still, fine, she blames her vocal cords more than her memory...whatever, right? But where did it happen? It wasn't Bosnia. Has anyone looked to see where Hillary flew to and had to run, head ducked, from the plane due to sniper fire? I tried Googling, but I just keep getting this story.

But, she hasn't reneged the story. She still insists she was under sniper fire in Bosnia. And the worst part is, why does it even matter? Does being in a poor, war-torn Southeastern European country and being shot at by snipers make anyone a better presidential candidate? If so, then a lot of people in Charlottesville, Virgina have become better suited to be the president than they were at the beginning of the week. Even if the story was true from the get go, I wouldn't have thought, "Well, she'd be a better president because she got shot at."

I have a morbid fascination with presidents of this country and read books about them all the time. Well, the books are not biographies and such usually...guides I guess talking about each president and his accomplishments and scandals. Books like The Complete Book of Presidents by William DeGregorio, The Secret Lives of the US Presidents by Cormac O'Brien, Presidential Diversions by Paul F. Boller, Jr., and Imperfect Presidents by Jim Cullen. What I've come to learn by the various takes that these men have on our presidents is that...nothing prepares you to be president. Many presidents who had found no success anywhere else become skillful presidents, and some who seemed born and bred to be the ultimate president failed miserably. I think it's not experience that makes a good president. I think it's attitude, and Hillary's attitude...scares me.

Remember...It's TWIGI you can count on...